How to Get Noticed

Now that I’ve been blogging a couple of years, I figure I’m pretty much an expert. So you might be wondering, “Amber, How can I, too, have 27 people read my blog a day?” Well, let me tell you.

I first learned how to see what searches were driving the most traffic to my blog through this one guy whose blog I read. Monthly, he posts what his top ten posts were and asks what your big posts were. Curious, I eagerly go to my little Statcounter and Google Analytics accounts to find out what beauty my blog has brought to my dear readers. It’s always a very humbling experience.

Rather than competing for the thousands, my posts compete for the tens. But that’s coo. What’s really fun is why people are apparently interested in reading my blog. Is it my brilliant and deep ventures into the question of God’s will? Is it my moving posts about poverty? Is it the stark beauty of the words that drip from my fingertips?

Nah, it’s Katy Perry’s rack. I’ve learned the key to blog success: Post a picture of Katy Perry in a bikini and use the key phrase “boob job” in a post, and you’re golden. You can also post the lyrics to popular Hawaiian rap songs, with such dazzling lyrics as “Me eat nuff food ‘cuz me real big boy.” And, as it turns out, posting pictures of half-dressed Amazonites also doesn’t hurt. (My traffic is going to triple now that I’m posting these again.)

And, so if you’re just dying to improve your blog’s success, take a lesson from me, and make sure to work these phrases into as many posts as possible. Here follows a list of some of the top searches that lead people to my blog:
Katy Perry boob job
Katy Perry nose job
I love my fish and poi
rainforest people child
tree hugger dirty hippy phrases
how to be a crazy shut in
what do rain forest people wear
dutch boy
amber vanschodenveld (nice)
tribal children rainforest

See what lovely things I apparently bring to the world? From now on, I’m going to stick with what works and just post photos of celebrities in swimwear while quoting rap lyrics and occasionally dropping the phrase “rainforest child.”

Categories: blog, Life & Family


  • Elizabeth M. says:

    Random people reading your blog because of searching google? Crazy.
    I read your blog because you are funny, smart, and I like to think that we are maybe just a little bit of kindred spirits (although some things you talk about….are too smart for moi :) You are lovely, and I like you, and I appreciate that I get to “hang out” with your brain via your blog a few times a week!
    I hope weird random people don’t read my blog. Ew. I put baby pics on there (therefore, not as interesting as yours!)

  • Amber says:

    Well, Liz, I don’t think those people who are looking for info on Katy Perry’s endowments stay very long on my site! :)

    Thanks for the compliments. You are a kindred spirit.

  • Stephanie says:

    I read your blog because you post links to it on Facebook, although this one was not linked from Facebook. So that just proves there are more reasons. They make me laugh, and I love the way you word things. I guess that would explain your profession…

  • That was a lot of Katy Perry references, Amber. And thanks for the shout-out (I think?)

    I love that “how to be a crazy shut in” generates so much traffic :)

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